The Aadaab of training children by Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi

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Quran learning
27 Adab of Training Children 6
  1. Playfully do not do any act with a child which may be a danger to life or limb, e.g., in playfulness do not fling a child up in the air; do not playfully hold its hands and suspend it from a window, etc.
  2. Do not playfully chase a child, for perhaps he may slip and hurt himself.
  3. Do not speak shameful things in the presence of children.
  4. While the thawaab is considerable for training children in general, caring for and training girls are acts of greater merit and more thawaab.
  5. When training children neither be too strict (harsh) nor too lax.
  6. Children should be taught not to eat things people give them. They should bring such things home and eat them in the presence of their parents if they consent.
  7. Teach them to wash their hands before eating and to eat or drink with their right hands.
  8. lnculcate in them the habit of eating less so that they are saved from sickness and greed.
  9. Inculcate in children the habit of cleaning their teeth, especially with a Miswaak.
  10. Teach them to refrain from asking any of their needs from anyone other than their seniors (parents, grand-parents,etc.).
  11. Teach them never to accept gifts from anyone without the consent of their elders.
  12. Do not assume that they will automatically acquire manners and etiquette when they have grown up. Inculcate good character in them from a tender age. No one learns of his own accord. By reading they will gain the knowledge of good culture, but still they will lack the essential training which was denied to them in childhood. Lack of training will result in the grown-up children always behaving unculturally. Furthermore, they will, without thinking, cause difficulties and inconvenience to others.
  13. Teach children to act with shame, especially when answering the call of nature. They should not reveal themselves to others.
  14. When your child has wronged someone or is at fault, never act partially. Do not side with your child, especially in his presence. To do so is to corrupt his character.
  15. Be watchful of your children’s behaviour towards servants and the children of servants. Ensure that they do not trouble the servants or their children. On account of their inferior social rank, they may not complain, but in their hearts they will curse. Even if they do not curse, the misfortune of sin and injustice will be tasted.
  16. As far as possible, endeavour that they learn under suitably qualified teachers.
  17. Do not punish them while in anger. Either remove them from your presence when you are angry or go away. Later, when the anger has subsided, reflect thrice and then only mete out appropriate punishment.
  18. When the need arises to punish, do not use a heavy stick nor fists. Do not kick the child nor slap on the face. Also do not hit on the head.
  19. Teach children the full names of their parents and grandparents as well as their addresses. Now and then ask them about this so that they remember. The benefit of this is that, Allah forbid, should they get lost, they will be able to state their identity to the one who finds them. In this way they will be returned home.
  20. Children who are studying should be given such nutrition which is good for the brain.
  21. When the need arises for girls to leave the home precincts, do not adorn them with jewellery.
  22. Emphasise to girls that they should not play with boys. The character of both boys and girls will be corrupted by such intermingling.
  23. If a boy from another house comes to your home, instruct the girls to go out of sight even though the boy may be small.
  24. If any children come to you for education, do not take service from them. Treat them like your own children.
  25. Teach children not to face the Qiblah in the toilet nor to turn their back towards the Qiblah in the toilet. Teach them the rules of tahaarat (purification) of cleaning themselves in the toilet.
  26. Do not take children along to invitations. Many people do so. Their habits are corrupted by doing so.
  27. When a child is obstinate in demanding a thing, do not fulfil its demand.

Reference :Etiquettes of Social Life

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