One of the advise of Rasul Allah Sallalahu alaihe wa sallam during his final pilgrimage was ” اسْتَوْصُوا بِالنِّسَاءِ خَيْرًا ” treat the women well.(1)
It is also narrated by Sayyedina Abu Huraira radi allahu anhu :The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of the women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so I urge you to take care of the women.”(2)
Scholars in the interpretation of this hadith say that when Allah, the Exalted, willed to bring humanity out of Adam alaihe salam He created his wife (Hawwa alaihe salam) from his bent rib. If a man wants to benefit from his bent rib, he has to benefit from it with its bending there. If he tried to straighten it, he would break it. Likewise, if a person wants to enjoy a woman, he has to enjoy her while crookedness remains in her and accept the benefits available. A woman will never behave exactly as her husband wishes. Rather, there must be cases of disagreement and negligence in addition to a sort of deficiency that already exists in her. Therefore, if you try to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her. This also points out that a woman may never behave exactly as her husband wishes. Allah has created the men and women different. They have a different thought process. Unless it is not regarding matters of deen, why try enforcing everything on her? This hadith does indicate that Rather, there can be cases of disagreement and negligence due to deficiency that already exists in her.
It is said that that if you try to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her is divorcing her.
Why is the divorce rate high these days? Who is to blame? Sometimes you see that both the husband and wife are good and they fulfill their duty but there is sourness in their relation. They live frustrated with each other and they decay their relationship and themselves.
A woman gets ready for her husband before he comes from work, she had been waiting all day alone in the home . She had been eagerly waiting with food ready and bed prepared. He comes home with a frown, he doesn’t even smiles at her, he doesn’t even compliment how she is looking , he sits for dinner and finds out faults with food. The child has been eagerly waiting for his father to come back but after he finishes his meal he puts a headphone in his ears and watches the barely dressed woman of tik tok and smiles and enjoys the so called funny video.
Remember indulging in haram will take away the sweetness of halal.
The woman begin to succumb to her loneliness. Slowly she begins to get depressed and she falls ill. She develops number of disease and she becomes more depressed with her failing health. Shouldn’t you show your wife that you appreciate her? If she takes care of the house and the children, don’t take it for granted. It is hard work, and no one likes to feel unappreciated.
Give your spouse quality time even if you can’t give them quantity time. If you do the little things that make your spouse happy you can end the bitterness of the relationship.
Research shows that in the U.S., about 15 million people have depression each year. Most of them are women. Unfortunately, nearly two-thirds do not get the help they need. According to the National Institutes of Health, things that increase the risk of depression in women include reproductive, genetic, or other biological factors; interpersonal factors; and certain psychological and personality characteristics.
As a result of depression a woman may not act the way she used to before, she will begin to have fatigue or unexplained pain or other physical symptoms without an apparent cause. She will begin getting problems concentrating or remembering things. She will have changes in appetite leading to significant weight loss or weight gain and she wil; get real pain here and there. This is what research says
Now whose responsibility is it to take care of the emotional needs of a woman? Women are created differently.They are not like men.They need love, care and the attention of her husband more than anything. Yes fulfilling the duties prescribed by sharia towards ones’s wife does away with the farziat but living with ihsan brings more sweetness in life. A good wife is the best provision of a man. To yield benefit from her he needs to preserve her. He needs to fulfill her emotional requirement so she gets the required enthusiasm to put in more effort.
It is narrated by Anas ra that Prophet (ﷺ) was on a journey and a slave named Anjasha was singing for the camels to let them go fast (while driving). The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “O Anjasha, drive slowly with the glass vessels!” Abu Qilaba said, “By the glass vessels’ he meant the women who were on the camels.
Look! how cautious rasul Allah sallahu alaihe wa sallam was! Muhaddithin interpret this hadith that Women have been compared to as glass vessel because they have a weak heart that gets easily enchanted.
Humaid b. ‘Abd al-Rahman b. ‘Auf reported that his mother Umm Kulthum daughter of ‘Uqba b. Abu Mu’ait, and she was one amongst the first emigrants who pledged allegiance to Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ), as saying that she heard Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying:A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys good. Ibn Shihab said he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as lie but in three cases: in battle, for bringing reconciliation amongst persons and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them).(3)
So we see that among the few condition when even lying is prohibited is when a husband and wife talk to each other to maintain theirrelationship. A husband can tell things to his wife to please her even if she is not posessing those qualities.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behavior, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives”.(4)
It is not that only a woman should make effort to please her husband, A man should make the effort aswell and try to be presentable as much as he wants the wife to remain beautiful. He should ignore her little mistakes that doesn’t concern the deen and he should live with her with love and compassion. Only if he begins to give her the little dose of her emotional needs, the marriage will work like charm. Do not just expect the effort of other person without putting any effort yourself.
If you are having problems in your marriage, communicate with each other and deal with problems early and honestly rather than to let them pile up until an explosion occurs.A healthy marriage will have an effect of good tarbiya of kids. Protect your marriage and take care of your women.
- sunan ibn Majah 1851
3.Sahih Muslim 2605a
2. Sahih al-Bukhari 5185, 5186
4.[At-Tirmidhi, who categorized it as Hadith Hasan Sahih]
Also Read : Nikah as an ibadah
If you like this article forward this to people who may benefit. Due to growing cases of depression amongst the married couple due to pandemic and other reasons, In sha Allah we will be posting few more articles on this topic of Marriage and Divorce.