As we progress, we see many vices entering into our society. The concept of “Live in relationship” is getting acceptance by the so called modern society. You must have heard that the Mexican city has legalized sex in public. No doubt this is sign of the last hour and we see the hadith of Rasul allah sallalhu alaihe wa sallam coming true- ”
Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The Hour will not be established until people mate with each other in the road as if they were donkeys.” I said, “Will it really happen?” The Prophet said, “Yes, it will truly happen.” Sahih According to albani. Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Ibn Ḥibbān 6923
As Muslim we should know what Nikah means to us. Is Nikah only living together or is Nikah an ibadah in itself ? People generally delay Nikah but to education, Job, financial need. But we should know the rulings about when is the right time to get married. Parents should observe their children and get them married when the time is apt. Un necessary delay will ruin things and push our innocent children towards destruction. Let us first read if Nikah is Fardh, Wajib, Sunnah or haram and what is the right time to marry.
Who can marry? Fuqaha’s Rulings on Nikah:
Nikah is fardh if:
Nikah is fardh when there is an overwhelming sexual desire, If a person is convinced that he will commit zina, he has the means and he is capable of being a good spouse it is fardh upon him to marry as soon as possible. There is no greater harm than zina (Illegal intercourse) and such person should not delay marriage if such is the case.
Nikah is wajib if:
Nikah is Wajib when there is an overwhelming desire that a person may do other sinful activities to satiate themselves. If he is tempted to Watch and do haram things(ex: Masturbation), it is wajib for him to get married if he has the means to marry. If he knows that by marrying he will not be suppressive to his spouse , he is capable of being a good spouse, then it is wajib for him to get married.
Nikah is makruh Tahrimi if:
Yes Nikah is Makruh Tahrimi when he fears that he will be suppressive to his spouse. In such case it is not wise for him to get married until he improves himself.
Nikah is haram if:
Nikah is Haram if he is convinced that he will be suppressive/oppressive to his wife. If the man is really bad tempered and has the habit of abusing and being very harsh on others, scholars say that he needs not get married until he gets rid of his evil.
Nikah is sunnah :
Nikah in general is Sunnah and is rewarding. It is completion of half of seen and sunnah of Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu alaihe wa sallam. Nikah is also a means of obeying the commands of Allah as we read in the following hadith and Quranic verses.
Some scholars said: whoever avoids nikaah for no apparent reason is going against the sunnah of Nabi saws. If one was to completely reject it and say it’s not something I have to do it is ridiculous. It’s a natural inclination to get married, to be married is to be a Muslim/Mu’min.
Hadith ‘Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not from me’
Narrated Anas: It was narrated from Anas that there was a group of the Companions of the Prophet, one of whom said: “I will not marry women.” Another said: “I will not eat meat.” Another said: “I will not sleep on a bed.” Another said: “I will fast and not break my fast.” News of that reached the Messenger of Allah and he praised Allah then said: “What is the matter with people who say such and such? But I pray and I sleep, I fast and I break my fast, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.”(ref :Sunan an-Nasa’i 3217)
Nikah is an Ibadah : Command to marry in Quran
Allah says in Quran chapter 7 verse 189:
And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.(Quran 30:21)
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
He is the One Who created you from a single soul, then from it made its spouse so he may find comfort in her. After he had been united with her, she carried a light burden that developed gradually. When it grew heavy, they prayed to Allah, their Lord, “If you grant us good offspring, we will certainly be grateful.”(quran:7:189)
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ : Skies, snow, trees, rain, wind clouds etc are the signs of Allah. In the same way we are also a sign of Allah swt. We should be showing ourselves as the beauty of the sign of Allah swt just like all the other things Allah subhana t’ala has created. A married couple is the sign of Allah swt.
خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا : Sukun – Tranquility in psychological, spiritual, physiological needs . A person should find tranquility in his/her spouse. This is the purpose of marriage. People need each other, we are social beings. Sukoon has to be provided from both the man and the woman. .
Sukoon does not mean no stress, no tension. As a believer we know, we will be tested, we will be stressed, we will be happy and sad at times. In all of this we know that we turn to Allah swt. Sukoon is when a husband loses everything in this world and thinks at least I still have my wife with me and vice versa. (It is much more than being worry free – English term). It means that Spiritual heart stays in sukoon. It remains content with Allah swt. The couple should be happy with what they have even if it is very little.
If we are conscious of Allah swt we know that He is looking at us. A person with taqwa will have more worry about pleasing or displeasing Allah swt. He will try to fulfill the right of others and not fall into extra marital affairs or haram relationship.
وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً :Mawaddah means intense longing, love. Although technically it is an ibadah, one can still enjoy it. Allah swt has made different types of love in our hearts. This is an affectionate love. They love each other, they are interested in each other’s welfare. Mawaddah is two sided. It is not something that we agree to, or sign in a contract. It is the affair of the heart. Mawaddah is also used for mother’s love for her child, endless love even amongst animals. This is a very deep type of love.
Allah swt gives us this love, He places it between us: both sukoon and mawaddah. This is the barakah of Nikah. The one who observes the sunnah will receive this. If two people stay together without nikah, there is no barakah, no rahmah but only anger of Allah swt for that relationship.
We know that love alone can’t be the driving force in a marriage, there has to be kindness and forgiveness. Muwaddah is the first feeling after we get married and rahmah comes later on in the marriage.
When we look at His rahmah, we expect Him to forgive us our sins, we hope for it, we hope he gives us another chance and accepts and rewards us anyway. Even though we commit so many sins/mistakes, we do so much wrong, we have no khushoo’ but Allah swt overlooks our shortcomings so we should also overlook the faults and shortcomings of our spouses.
If we are not following the sunnah, we leave taqwa. Nikah deeply impacts every part of our lives. When we are content with our spouses and Allah swt, we will even be able to worship better.
Another Ayah of Surah A’raaf: Verse 189 talk about the purpose of nikah:
“And he is the One Who created you from a single soul, then from it, made it’s spouse so he may find comfort (sakinah) in her…”
Why does Allah swt only mention a man getting sakinah from his wife and not the other way around?
The way we look at this is maybe this ayah is telling us that only if a woman finds sukoon in her husband, will he find sukoon in her. Basically he has to do his duty, that’s how she will be a source of sukoon for him. Men are motivated by feeling important and women are motivated by feeling cherished. Both have to do their part in order to have a blissful marriage.
In Another verse in Surah Baqarah: Verse 187 Allah talks about this beautiful relationship-
“They are a garment to you and you are a garment for them”.
Libaas (clothing) covers the satr. Husband and wife should protect each other. As we cover our satr, we should hide each other’s faults. Allah swt hides our sins. Alhamdulillah – all praise belongs to Him. If we are hiding the faults of our spouses, we safeguard each other. This protects our Imaan. Clothes are a source of hayaa for us. Hayaa is a huge part of our deen. Clothes beautify and honor us similarly when we look at each other, we should be happy and content. A husband is a means of beauty for wife and vice versa.
Hadith: “When a person marries, half of his deen has been completed.” One should be now mindful of Allah swt regarding the other half”.
If we think Nikah as an ibadah, most of our marital issues will be solved.
If we think Nikah as an Ibadah we won’t fall into the trap of illegal relationship
May Allah bless our marriages.
One book that I would highly recommend reading is Handbook of a Healthy Muslim Marriage by Abdur-Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera available in amazon.
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