In this Marriage series, today I am talking about one of the most Pressing issues of our society – People comparing one ceremony to others. You must have seen this in your own society. We live in a society where we even compare and compete in hosting Iftar and Nikah is a big one time event. Subhan Allah ! It is not surprising the People see new events, go back to their own days and start taunting the girls. And what good do they get in digging the old grave?
I have seen People who never forget. They carry the burden of one mistake of the bride’s family and spoil thousands of cheerful moment they could have with the new bride. How sad it is !
It is more sad to see this happening in a Muslim household.
Subhan Allah! We are a Muslim ummah and our gaze should not be at the most recent, most lavish ceremony but instead we should look at the piety of the People we are going to connect with.
We, In Islam do not have any liability on the parents of the bride. They are giving you the apple of their heart. It is the groom who need to ask the hands of the bride while offering her a Mehr according to her status and promising to take care of her Nafaqa and sukna ( housing and maintenance) and then holding a Walima to announce the marriage. On what basis do the groom and their family complain ?
Baseless ritualism and extravagance (israaf) has no place in Islam. The Walimas of Rasulullah Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam were simple and small. Even the groom is not liable to hold a lavish banquet spending thousands of money on unnecessary things just for the sake of culture and for competition.
Consider the Ahadith:
عَنْ أَنَسٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ أَقَامَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ بَيْنَ خَيْبَرَ وَالْمَدِينَةِ ثَلَاثًا يُبْنَى عَلَيْهِ بِصَفِيَّةَ بِنْتِ حُيَيٍّ فَدَعَوْتُ الْمُسْلِمِينَ إِلَى وَلِيمَتِهِ فَمَا كَانَ فِيهَا مِنْ خُبْزٍ وَلَا لَحْمٍ أُمِرَ بِالْأَنْطَاعِ فَأَلْقَى فِيهَا مِنْ التَّمْرِ وَالْأَقِطِ وَالسَّمْنِ فَكَانَتْ وَلِيمَتَهُ (البخاري)
Anas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) states, “Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) camped at a place between Khaybar and Madinah for three days. It was here that he consummated his marriage to Safiyyah (Radhiyallahu Anha), after which I invited the Muslims present to a Walima meal that featured neither bread nor meat. Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) instructed for a leather tablecloth to be spread. He then scattered dates cheese and butter unto it. This was the Walima of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam).(AlBukhari 5085)
عَنْ عَائِشَةَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ إِنَّ أَعْظَمَ النِّكَاحِ بَرَكَةً أَيْسَرُهُ مُؤْنَةً. (رواه أحمد)
It has been narrated by Ai’shah (Radhiyallahu Anha) that Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “The most blessed wedding is that which has the least expenses”.)Ahmad 24529)
A muslim marriage with an extremely beautiful and lavish decoration is not something that we should be in awe of. Yes, it is a day of happiness and Joy and every one should try to make this day the best day according to his means and resource but this doesn’t mean that we should do Israf or even begin to compare one marriage to other.
Whatever has befallen us couldn’t have been avoided. Whatever has already happened can never be changed. It is all the will and the maslihat of Allah swt. And we should always be happy with whatever Allah brings to our way and reflect on the positive side. I have heard People carrying the bitterness of a mis-event years after years. Subhan Allah ! Do the people not know that a single morsel that we put in our mouth is because Allah has specially made that grain for us. We should be so much thankful for the immense neymat of Allah swt and try to forgive People if we have been hurt by them.
Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Quran:
وَلا يَأْتَلِ أُوْلُوا الْفَضْلِ مِنكُمْ وَالسَّعَةِ أَن يُؤْتُوا أُوْلِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْمَسَاكِينَ وَالْمُهَاجِرِينَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَلْيَعْفُوا وَلْيَصْفَحُوا أَلا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ. (النور: 22)
…Pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you…
We hope and pray to Allah swt to forgive us and Allah swt says in Quran to pardon and forgive so that he can pardon and forgive us.
So I urge you that no matter in which side of the story you are-the bride’s side or the groom’s side . Forgive the mistakes of each other and pray for a better future. May Allah keep all of us happy. Ameen.
Also read – 5 Mistakes in a Modern Nikah ceremony