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Mistakes in a Muslim Marriage

Nikah is one of the most cherished moment of an individual. People want to have one of the most memorable wedding event and they put a lot of effort into it. Sadly in the name of entertainment, our Muslim homes today destroy the barakah of Nikah. Here are 5 mistakes that first of all needs to be accepted and then it needs to be corrected.

Also read : Comparing Nikah/ Expecting Lavish treatment.

1.Intention of Nikah

Nikah is not a moment to be the star of the day.It is not a moment to show off your affluence and your money. Nikah is an ibadah. Nikah completes half of our deen. Does Allah accept our ibadah, when we do it to Please others whilst our motive is not the Pleasure of Allah swt?

I won’t go into this in detail but we all know how much money we throw into big venues, Un-necessary Decorations, Music and entertainment in our Nikah/ Walima ceremony.

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Wedding parties are among the things in which it is prescribed to express happiness and joy and to instil that in the family and the wife, but that does not mean that one should fall into extravagance or spend unnecessarily. The argument that it is only once in a lifetime cannot be an excuse tospend too much.

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Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: What is your opinion on expensive dowries and extravagance in wedding parties, especially preparations for what is called the honeymoon, which includes high expenses? Does Islam approve of this? 

He (may Allah have mercy on him) replied: 

Expensive dowries and extravagance in wedding parties are things that are contrary to sharee‘ah. The most blessed marriage is that which is affordable; the less the expenses are, the greater the blessings. This is something that in most cases is the fault of women, because women are the ones who force their husbands to pay for expensive parties that are not allowed in sharee‘ah.

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This is something that is included in the words of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted (interpretation of the meaning): “…but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allâh) likes not Al-Musrifûn (those who waste by extravagance)” [al-A‘raaf 7:31]. Many women force their husbands to do that and say “So and so had such and such in her party” and so on. 

Extravagance is not allowed and is blameworthy in all matters, whether it has to do with marriage or otherwise. What is prescribed in Islam is that the individual should not make things difficult for himself and should not burden himself with more than he can bear. Rather he should spend according to his means and what he is able to afford, whilst avoiding extravagance and going to extremes in spending. 

2. Mixed Gathering

Mistakes in a Muslim Marriage

Mistakes in a Muslim Marriage

pic credit- bbc

In our Indian Society, the boys seems to never grow up. They are always seen among the women calling their mummy, fufi, khala and entering the gathering of the women. Even in Walima and Nikah, there are no separate arrangements for Men and Women. While it is not wrong to meet and greet the mehrams but the gathering is not always having our mehram and we should take a note of it. Sadly, the non- mehrams are seen too relaxed in talking, laughing, shaking hands and looking.

The Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) enforced separation of men and women even at Allaah’s most revered and preferred place, the mosque. This was accomplished via the separation of the women’s rows from the men’s; men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the obligatory prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque; and, a special door was assigned to women. Evidence of the foregoing are:

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said that after Allah’s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said “as-Salamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullah’ twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and leave. He would stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said that he thought that the staying of the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) was in order for the women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart.” Narrated by al-Bukhari under No. 793.

3. Music in Walima Parties

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When you tell the People not to play songs in their wedding Parties ,they will call you boring and Old-fashioned.

No, Islam is not boring.It knows the desire of our heart and has allowed every permissible thing. It is not that we are not allowed to have any entertainment in our Wedding.

It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah ra that she took a woman on her wedding night to a man from among the Ansaar, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her, “O ‘Aa’ishah, was there any entertainment  (in the gathering)? For the Ansaar love entertainment.”  Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4765. 

Scholars say that it is permissible for us to replace these songs with Islamic nasheeds which contain rulings, exhortation and teaching, which will increase people’s keenness and pride in their religion, and promote Islamic feelings and put people off evil and what leads to it.

It was narrated that Muhammad ibn Haatib al-Jamahi said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The thing that differentiates between haraam and halaal is the beating of the daff and voices.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1008; al-Nasaa’i, 3316; Ibn Maajah, 1886. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 96. 

4. Refusing the invitation of Walima or not inviting the Poor

According to majority of fuqaha, if some one has personally invited you for Walima, it becomes obligatory to accept it except when you know that there are idle entertainment in it and you know that it is only the rich who are invited.

Narrated Abu Huraira ra : The worst food is that of a wedding banquet to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Apostle .Sahih al-Bukhari 5177

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: There is no difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the fact that it is obligatory to attend a waleemah for the one who is invited to it, so long as there is no idle entertainment in it. This is the view of Maalik, al-Shaafa’i and Abu Haneefah. 

So, We should not Spoil the Barakah of the Nikah with idle entertainment and by not inviting the poor neighbors,relatives, friends etc.

5. Un-necessary Customs

Sometimes I feel that there is no use telling People to stop certain custom which has no basis in Islam. People are so stubborn with their custom borrowed by the culture of the Non-Muslims that they just down listen. They will even stop inviting you to their Parties, if you tell them these 🙂

But always remember that if the teachings of Islam are followed in the wedding party, the more blessed the marriage will be, the more love and harmony there will be between the spouse, and the less problems they will encounter in their married life. For if the married life is based from the outset on haraam things which go against the commands of Allaah, how can they expect the marriage to be successful after that?

Did you enjoy reading this article, Mistakes in a Muslim Marriage? Do feel free to share your views. May Allah help us remove the state of ghaflat that contaminates our heart and fill it with the remembrance of Allah. May we be able to walk on the path of Sunnah and shariah. Ameen.