Authoritative Parenting as a Muslim
The best gift to a child by his parents is his proper upbringing. Sometimes we often get caught pondering if we are parenting right. As my daughter is growing big, I thought to study some Parenting books and look for the best Parenting ways.
I found out that basically there are four parenting style and what most Muslim household follow is Authoritative Parenting which is actually the best. I looked at some resources in Islamic text and found a conclusion that authoritative parenting when done properly yield the best in child. Let us read how but let us first read about the four parenting styles:
The 4 Parenting styles:
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative Parenting- It is where parents establish strict rules in the household but allow open discussion with their children.
Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian Parenting- It is where parents raise their children by establishing very strict rules with no question
Permissive Parenting
Permissive Parenting- It is where parents have minimal discipline for their children and have high responsiveness from them
Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved Parenting- It is where parents have no involvement raising their children.
Authoritative Parenting and Islam
Allah swt says, ” {قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا}” “Ward off from yourself and your families a Fire whose fuel is men and stones…”
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them; a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; a slave is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges.” [Sahih al-Bukhari]
We are responsible for the upbringing of our kids and can proper upbringing be done when one is uninvolved.Parents who are lenient in the upbringing of their children are usually too busy or too pampering. This spoils the child to a certain extent because he knows he will always have a way out to do things even if they are impermiisble.
Going to the extreme is Authoritarian Parenting where a child is not allowed to question but strictly adhere to the commands of the parents. They are like robots. Even though they pray 5 times a day, have beard when they grow and wear scarves, these are like a burden for them which they can shed off as soon as the authority of the parents is lost.
What really is the best for Muslim children is Authoritative Parenting because they tend to raise children that are responsible and can make decisions for themselves. Authoritative parents usually have a household that is democratic. When rules are enforced in a house, parents explain the meaning and discuss the importance of the rules established. A perfect example from the Qur’an is the chapter of Luqman.
In the chapter of Luqman, Luqman gives his son critical advice for this life and for the after life. He also gives his son advice on how to conduct himself as a person with good manners. Furthermore, Luqman establishes the foundation for his son’s hereafter by encouraging prayer and patience and giving the positive effects of such actions. “O my son! Establish regular prayer, enjoin what is just, forbid what is wrong, and bear with patient constancy whatever betide thee; for this is firmness in affairs.”
By following an authoritative parenting model , you not only enforce that child follows your command and the command of shariah but you are also telling them why are we doing certain things. This develops a strong relation between parents and children and when he need someone to talk to when facing social challenges, he knows where to go to. If there is not a friendship relationship between parents and their children, then there is a good chance a child may indulge in Islamically unacceptable actions.
Fruits of Authoritative parenting
Narrated Abu Hurairah:The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) as saying:“When a man dies, his action discontinues from him except three things, namely, perpetual sadaqah (charity), or the knowledge by which benefit is acquired,or a pious child who prays for him.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]
When there is a close relation between the Parent and the children , they make dua for them and they are like a perpetual charity on the behalf of Parents.
May Allah help us to do effective parenting of our kids.
Also read: Book on parenting-Parenting Skills based on Quran and Sunnah.
About the Author : Aafiya is an Alimah and an Optometrist. She loves to learn ilm and spread positivity about Islam.
