Regret of a Married daughter-advice to teenager girls.

This article is dedicated to all my teenagers and unmarried sisters. As a married muslim girl I want to share a precious advice with you which shall benefit you in duniya and akhirah.

First I would like to tell you something that really impacted me. Once, I was attending a very serious class and in the middle of the class we heard the mother of our ustadha scolding her for something. We were like what? even ustadha’s mother scolds her. She smiled after she went away and told us “You know what Mothers are mothers and you have to accept her scolds like little hearts of love.I am a Principal of an Islamic school , I teach advance Students of Islamic studies,I have kids and still my mother treats me like a small child and scolds me but I love it genuinely.You know why? Jannah lies beneath her feet.” We were so amazed but we loved the way she explained this beautiful lesson of life. “Jannah lies beneath the feet of our mother ” and this is enough reason for us to accept all her jaiz commands and take care of all her requests.

It is only when I became a mother, I realized why my mother told me what she told, why she stopped me from things she didn’t liked , why she asked me to help her in her daily chores, why she told me to go cook something and why she sometimes scolded me. Today I live very far from my mother and I miss her so much. Every time I cook some yummy food for my husband. I feel, why didn’t I learn this recipie as a young girl. How much would have my parents praised me for this yummy dish while they praised me for a funny burnt roti. No matter how Old we grow we always remain small kids to our parents and they have every right to talk with us in whatever manner they wish.

I talked with some teenagers and their Mom. The mothers complained that their daughters don’t even move to fetch a glass of water and the daughters complained that they have lots of studies and extra stuffs and they don’t like to cook and clean because when they do it, that is not perfect and mothers complains even though they have tried. And I feel that on the basis of their age both are right. Mothers want clean and tidy work and daughters are busy. But looking at this scenario from the perspective of married daughter I feel regret.

When You get married and you have a happy family, lots of money, lots of food, you would never get the dua of your mother that you would have got had you compromised your studies, just an hour or a half in return of millions of precious dua. Our mothers may say that the roti you just brought is like a map or the kitchen you just cleaned still looks dirty but in their heart they only wish to do your tarbiya. You as a daughter have to overlook all these things and make your niyah of earning hasanat and pleasing Allah and know that you are feeling the way you feel is because of your hormones. The day you will mature, you will want to go back to the time when you were with your parents and do all their things for them.How many Women do not complain about not being able to take care of their parents after they get married?

Allah says,

We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents:In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. … …(Quran 46-15)

Dear sisters, help your mother in her daily chores. You get tired doing one thing,just think about your mother who has joint pains and back aches and she does all the things for every one. Infact ask your mother if she needs help with anything. The dua that a mother gives and a curse that a mother gives unintentionally when she is angry both are very powerful. Have you heard the story of Juraij. I will tell you the story but first read this hadith in which Rasul Allah Sallalahu alaihe Wassalam stresses the importance of being dutiful to our parents.

Abu Hurayra ra reported:”A man came to the Prophet of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and asked, ‘What do you command me to do?’ He replied, ‘Be dutiful towards your mother.’ Then he asked him the same question again and he replied, ‘Be dutiful towards your mother.’ He repeated it yet again and the Prophet replied, ‘Be dutiful towards your mother.’ Then he put the question a fourth time and the Prophet said, ‘Be dutiful towards your father.’”Grade : Sahih (Al-Albani)Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 6

Ok,Coming back to the story.

Abu Huraira ra reported that Juraij was one who was devoted to (prayer) in the temple. His mother came to him. Humaid said that Abu Rafi’ demonstrated before us like the demonstration made by abu Huraira to whom Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) had demonstrated-

Juraij’s mother called him placing her palms upon the eyebrows and lifting her head for calling him and said: Juraij, it is your mother, so talk to her. She found him at that time absorbed in prayer, so he said (to himself): O Lord, my mother (is calling me) (whereas I am absorbed) in my prayer. He opted for prayer. She (his mother) went back, then came again for the second time and said: O Juraij, it is your mother (calling you), so talk to me. He said: O Allah. there is my mother also and my prayer, and he opted for prayer. She said: O Allah, this Juraij is my son. I pray to talk to him but he refuses to talk to me. O Allah, don’t bring death to him unless he has seen the prostitutes, and had she invoked the curse upon him (from the heart of her heart) he would have been involved in some turmoil. There was a shepherd living near by his temple (the temple where Juraij was engaged in prayer). It so happened that a woman of that village came there and that shepherd committed fornication with her and she became pregnant and gave birth to a child. It was said to her: Whose child is this? She said: He is the child of one who is living in this temple. So there came persons with hatchets and spades. They called Juraij. He was absorbed in prayer and he did not talk to them and they were about to demolish that temple that he saw them and then came to them and they said: Ask her (this woman) what she says. He smiled and then touched the head of the child and said: Who is your father? He (the child) said: My father is the shepherd of the sheep, and when they heard this, they said: We are prepared to rebuild with gold and silver what we have demolished from your temple. He said: No, rebuild it with clay as it had been before. He then went up (to his room and absorbed himself in prayer).This is a true story taken from authentic hadith -(Muslim,Book 32, Number 6187)

Disobedience to Parents or ‘Uqūq al-Wālidayn(Arabic: عقوق الوالدین) is among greater sins. It is any form of annoying father and mother or either of them by tongue or action.

Sayyiduna Abu Bakrah (radiyallahu ‘anhu) reports that Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) asked, “Should I not inform you of the most major sins?’ The Sahabah (radiyallahu ‘anhum) replied, ‘Most certainly O Rasulullah.’ Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Ascribing partners to Allah and disobedience to parents…’”

Some versions suggest that Nabi (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) repeated the question thrice.(Sahih Bukhari, Hadith: 2654, 5976, 6273, 6919 and Sahih Muslim, Hadith: 87)

You can read more Hadith and Quran reference on being dutiful to Parents- here. So Please sisters, take care of your Parents lest it is too late.

If you loved reading this article, share with atleast one teenager or one mom because the maqsad of writing this article is to mend the gap in a mother- daughter relationship.

With regards,

Aafiya.