The Talab, Desire of Hajj

Edit : I was called for Hajj the year after I wrote this article. Alhumdulillah

I was sitting in my musalla last night. Everyone was asleep. Everything was quiet and calm, but my heart was in unrest. I got up, opened the balcony attached to my prayer room, and looked at the sky. The shining moon, the shining stars, the calm cold breeze—everything was pleasant and perfect, but something in me was not okay. I stood there, staring, and tears flowed from my eyes.

I had been reading the Quran, and I was reading the verses of Hajj. My heart was filled with the awe of Haram Sharif. I miss Kaaba. I miss Madina. I miss the tranquility of the blessed places. The last time when I placed my head on the floor of Haram Sharif, I felt such tranquility that it still touches my heart. I can’t describe how much I want to perform Hajj. I have done Umrah many times, alhumdulillah, but Hajj—I haven’t done Hajj, and I can’t do Hajj unless Allah Tallah invites me.

For a moment, I felt that I was standing before my Lord, and I cried like a baby. There are so many sins I commit, so many rights I do not fulfill, so many Sunnah that I leave, but despite all that, my Allah loves me. Yes, Allah loves me. He is close to me. He hears my prayers. He knows what is in my heart. He knows of my talab of doing Hajj. He is the best of planners, and he will plan the best for me.

Sometimes, Allah SWT loves the tears that we shed. He loves the tears that come out of our eyes because of our immense love towards Him. If Allah SWT does not call me to Hajj this year, it’s no issue. I will shed more and more tears because what I want is His raja – His acceptance. Our Allah is so merciful, so generous that He even rewards our intention. If you are not able to do Hajj this year, do not be sad. He will call us very soon. He will accept us, Insha Allah. We will keep striving towards Him. We will keep shedding tears of repentance and love, and we will do more amal that can gain His pleasure.

May Allah accept you and me. May Allah forgive you and me. May Allah call us for Hajj. May Allah be pleased with us.

حَسْبِ اللهُ لا إله إلا هو، عليه توكلت و هو ربَ العرش العظيم

Hasbi-allahu la ilaha illa Huwa ‘alaihi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rab-bal ‘arshil ‘azeem

Sufficient for me is Allah ; there is no deity except Him.On Him I have relied, and He is the Lord of the Great Throne.

Ending with a short note,Keep me in your Prayers.
Jazak Allah khair ,

Aafiya.